


No Kingdom To Come

by Pline



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Friendship, Gen, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, POV Alternating, Season 3 AU, Supernatural Elements, Team as Family, everyone loves Buck, post 3x03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-04
Updated: 2020-03-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:20:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23015419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pline/pseuds/Pline
Summary: Days pass, then weeks that soon turn into months. Buck doesn’t call, he doesn’t text.They don’t even know if he is still alive.Maddie files a missing person’s report. Athena checks for any mention of his name anywhere in the country.Nothing pops up, no one calls.Buck is gone.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Firehouse 118 Crew, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 373





	No Kingdom To Come

**Author's Note:**

> In case you don't like it, there is quite a lot of swearing in this.
> 
> This is set after 3x03 and does not take into consideration what happens afterwards (no trial, no street fighting, etc)

Her body is heavy, so is her mind. Hen has been on shift for twenty-two hours and has two hours left before she can go home. She longs for her bed, and the embrace of her wife, and to see the smile of her son.

After everything she has seen today, she needs to rest. She is just unsure she will be able to.

Glancing down at her phone for the first time in hours, she sees that she has several notifications – four texts from Karen, one from Athena, a reminder to buy eggs, a few others from different apps, and most importantly, a new email.

Her heart skips a beat when she notices who the email is from.

_Evan Buckley._

It’s an audio recording. Her hands shake, her breath hitches in her throat. Around her, the world continues to turn, but she is stuck in place, standing in the middle of the station’s kitchen, unable to move, to do anything but stare at her screen.

“Hen?”

She does not answer Chim, despite the worry evident in his voice. Instead, she forces herself to breathe and hurries to download the recording. Her focus is solely on her phone, even when she feels hands on her, and she hears people calling her. Her world has halted.

After the longest minute of her life, the download is ready. She has no idea what the recording will be, she is just certain that it will change everything.

She presses play.

“Hey Hen, it’s Buck. I’m sorry, but if you’re hearing this, I’m dead.”

The world shatters.

* * *

_Five months earlier._

Athena’s house has never been this silent. Even the day Michael had come out to her, sending everything she thought she knew crashing to the ground, the house had been filled with sounds, energy.

Today, no one even as dares as breathe.

“Why would he do that?”

Athena wishes she could answer Maddie’s plea, she can’t. No one has the answer, no one but Buck.

Buck won’t answer, because Buck is gone.

Flat emptied, the last months of his lease paid in cash, car gone, phone unreachable, Buck left absolutely no trace behind him – except for one note. Not even a letter, just a short note.

_I’m sorry. I am not sure I’ll be able to come back, but I’ll try. Don’t try to look for me. I love you all forever._

None of it makes sense. They knew that Buck was taking his medical leave from firefighting hard, but no one has seen this coming. After the truck, after the pulmonary embolism, after the tsunami, Buck still seemed so strong. Struggling, yes, but Athena, like all of them, had thought it was just a hard pass, that everything would get better once he would get back to the 118.

“Athena, can’t you look for him?” Eddie asks, almost begging, and her heart breaks at the sight.

“I’ve tried, but he covered his tracks well. And, he hasn’t committed any crimes, I can’t just put an APB out for him.”

“So what do we do? What if he’s in danger? Are we supposed to just wait?”

“I’m sorry.”

Eddie swears. He looks a breath away from destroying everything in its path, but Bobby’s hand on his arm deflates him. He sits back on the couch, lost, empty, and scared, scared for his friend, scared that he will never see him again.

“We have to believe he will come back to us,” Athena says. If only it was that easy.

* * *

Buck doesn’t come back.

* * *

Days pass, then weeks that soon turn into months. Buck doesn’t call, he doesn’t text.

They don’t even know if he is still alive.

Maddie files a missing person’s report. Athena checks for any mention of his name anywhere in the country.

Nothing pops up, no one calls.

Buck is gone.

* * *

“Hey Hen, it’s Buck. I’m sorry, but if you’re hearing this, I’m dead.”

* * *

Hen is not the only one to get a recording. They all do.

* * *

“Hey Hen, it’s Buck. I’m sorry, but if you’re hearing this, I’m dead.

What a way to be dramatic, huh? It’s the truth though, I don’t know how else to say it.

I want you to know that I tried to come back, I tried so hard. I did everything that I could, but I guess it wasn’t enough.

I wish that I could have seen you again, but maybe it’s best that I didn’t. I don’t think I could have left if I had.

Hen, you’re amazing, one of the best friends I’ve ever had, and I love you. All my life, I had trouble saying that, that I loved people. But I do, I love you. You’re like a sister to me.

Please, don’t be sad. You’ve got a good life, you’ve got all that matters. So please, don’t cry over me.

Don’t forget me either, alright? Or do, I’m truly not sure what’s best.

Goodbye, Hen. I love you.”

* * *

“Chim, or should I say Howie for this? It’s kinda solemn or something. ‘Cause I’m dead now, and that’s that. I’m not sad really, I knew it was a risk that I was taking. And I don’t regret it.

But, anyway. Take care of Maddie for me. I know she can take care of herself on her own, but sometimes she just needs a push to take risks, to live her life fully.

Out of anyone in the world, I’m glad she’s with you.

You’re a good man, a great man. I know I’ve given you a lot of crap over the years but I admire you so much, man. You’re so fucking strong. Don’t believe anything else.

This is goodbye forever. I love you, brother. Have a great life for me.”

* * *

“Athena, I know you’re going to try to look into my death. Don’t. That’s all I ask for you, and if you’ve ever cared for me at all, you won’t look into it. I’m begging you.

I’m sorry, I want to explain but I can’t – I just can’t. This is bigger than me.

You need to know that I died fighting. I didn’t kill myself, I didn’t go looking for trouble. I was helping people the only way I could without being a firefighter.

We didn’t get along at first, but I’d like to believe you ended up liking me after a while. Like someone would end up liking a stray cat, I guess.

I love you, Athena. I’m glad that you and Bobby got each other.

Goodbye.”

* * *

“Bobby, I’m sorry.

I know I joked around calling you Pops, but you were more of a father to me than my old man ever was. You’re so important to me, and you don’t know – you don’t know it.

I want you to be happy. I want you to have a long happy life. I would have loved nothing more than to be a part of it.

I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry that I died, I’m sorry for everything.

I don’t even think I can say goodbye to you, but I have to.

Goodbye, Bobby. Thank you for everything you ever did for me. It was always more than I ever deserved.”

* * *

“Mads. Forgive me.

I love you, you’re the best big sister anyone could ever want.

You deserve the best. Don’t be sad over me. I’m okay with whatever happened to me.

God, Maddie, I hope you can forgive me for this.

I love you. Goodbye.”

* * *

“I’ve always been a coward. Without the uniform, that’s all I am – a coward.

Tell Christopher that I love him. I’m so proud of this kid and, God, I love him. I love him so much. I wish that I could have been there to see him graduate, to see him walk down the aisle, to, I don’t know, see him become a father too.

You have no idea how many times I almost came back because I miss him so much.

And you, Eddie. I miss you.

And I’m a coward because I never told you that I am in love with you.

For so long I’ve been in love with you. It’s okay that you could have never loved me back, I don’t want you to feel guilty about that. I’ve only ever wanted you to be happy. You deserve to be happy.

Find a new best friend, find someone that loves you and Chris the way you two deserve to be loved.

Move on from this. One day, I’ll only be a distant memory. I’m more than fine with that.

Until then, let me tell you one last time. Eddie Diaz, I am in love with you with everything that I am.

Goodbye. Knowing you has been the best part of my life.”

* * *

The world shatters.

* * *

Later, they find themselves back at Athena’s house, like all these months ago, back when it all started.

There’s no silence this time. Maddie cries. Everyone speak, asking questions, demanding answers.

Everyone refuse to accept that Buck is dead.

Buck cannot be dead.

Bobby keeps hearing his words.

_Y_ _ou were more of a father to me than my old man ever was._

_Y_ _ou’_ _re so important to me._

_You don’t know it._

But Bobby knows. He has always known. He just could never voice it. Afraid that he’d lose Buck like everything else in his life. But he lost him anyway, and Buck never knew.

The urge to drink is strong. He buries his nails in his palms to take his mind off it.

Buck can’t be dead. He refuses it.

_It was always more than I ever deserved._

How could he even think that? Buck deserved the world. He does deserve it still, because Buck isn’t dead. Buck is out there, somewhere, and Bobby will find him.

“We don’t know where the emails have been sent from,” Athena says, and the voice of his wife manages to bring him back from the brink of madness. “The only thing we know is that he used a program to send them. Without a weekly manual confirmation, they get sent out.”

“So, he forgot to do it,” Hen cries out. “That doesn’t mean he’s gone. There are so many reasons he wouldn’t – ”

“I know,” Athena cuts, both soft and unbreakable at the same time. “I know, and I won’t keep looking until we bring him back.”

Hope, so rare and precious, fills up his heart. Bobby stares at his wife, in awe of her and everything she stands for. She has always been larger than life, stronger than them all. If anyone can do the impossible, it’s her.

His gaze falls on Eddie. It hurts to look at him.

Eddie has never looked so broken. Buck has never realized how much he was loved, whether it was by Bobby, or the team, but most of all, by Eddie.

Only if for them, Buck needs to be alive. He needs to come back.

* * *

_Six days later._

Eddie’s phone rings in the middle of the night. It doesn’t wake him, he is not asleep.

Ever since the email, sleep has eluded him. Every time he closes his eyes, he sees Buck’s – lifeless, glossy. He sees Buck’s skin, cold, and too pale.

He hasn’t said anything to Christopher. He can’t bring himself to. What could he even say? They don’t know anything. Buck has been gone for months, and they still know as much as they did the day Eddie walked into an empty apartment to find a goodbye note.

_I am in love with you with everything that I am._

The goddamn fool. If Eddie had Buck in front of him, he would punch him right in his face.

_It’s okay that you could have never loved me back._

The idiot, the fucking dumb asshole who came into Eddie’s life and changed it forever. Ever since the email, Eddie is angry, his anger choking him all the time, and he hates Buck, just a little.

Never as much as he loves him.

If Eddie had Buck in front of him, he would kiss him senseless, and never let him out of his sight again.

His phone stops ringing. Eddie continues staring at the ceiling, he is too tired to move. He should be sleeping, tomorrow he will be on shift, saving lives, and he will need all the energy he can.

The ringing resumes. With a groan, he pushes himself up and catches his phone.

_Unknown caller._

“What,” he barks. This better be important.

The only thing he hears is the sound of someone breathing, in the distance, like the phone is far from their face.

His heart is seized by a sudden burst of hope, shaky fragile hope.

“Buck?” he blurts out. “Buck, is that you?”

There’s some movement on the other end. Still Eddie can only hear the caller’s breathing.

“Buck?”

The line goes dead.

* * *

“It was him, I know it was him.”

For someone who has been awaken at three in the morning, Athena is as alert as could be. She is wearing a green robe, hair wrapped in golden silk. She stands with as much presence and authority as she ever does with her uniform.

There is something akin to pity in the way she looks at him. Eddie can’t stand it.

“Athena, I’m telling you, it _was_ Buck.”

“Did he say anything? Did you hear his voice?”

“I heard his breathing, that’s enough for me.”

Whatever she is about to say is cut by a new voice, “Eddie? What are you doing here?”

He turns to his captain, wearing a faded LAFD shirt and a pair of old sweat pants, and he knows he should feel guilty for intruding. He can’t bring himself to.

“Buck called me.”

“What? When?”

“Wait,” Athena rushes to say. “We don’t know for sure that it was Buck.”

“I know it,” Eddie swears. “I know Buck.”

“I know that you want it to be Buck.” She takes a step towards him, but stops when he tenses. “Listen, Eddie, I’ve sent the info to see if we can find anything on the call, but you can’t keep doing this to yourself. It’s the middle of the night. There’s nothing any of us can do. When was the last time you slept? Where’s Christopher right now?”

Eddie shakes his head, he does not want to hear what Athena is trying to say.

“Christopher is at his abuela’s. She’s been keeping him. But I’m fine. You don’t have to worry about me. It’s Buck who’s disappeared.”

“And we’ll find him,” she promises.

“You keep saying that,” he shouts, his anger ripping out of him like a wave. “It’s been five months, Athena! Five months! Last week we all got recordings from Buck saying he was dead! How can you stand here and tell me you’ll find him when you _haven’t_. He’s gone, Athena. He’s gone and I miss him so much.”

He knows he’s crying, and he knows Athena’s kids could be sleeping in their rooms, but he can’t stop now that he’s started.

“I miss him so much I can hardly breathe. And I hate him, fuck I hate him. I hate him because he’s gone, and I hate him because he could be dead. I hate that he left without saying goodbye, and I hate that he doesn’t know. I haven’t told him that I – what if he died thinking I didn’t love him back? Because I do. I love him, and he’s gone, and I can’t do anything to help him.”

He’s shaking, he’s sobbing. He doesn’t protest when Bobby goes to hug him, and they both fall to the ground, holding onto one another.

The sun rises before they let go.

* * *

The 118 station has never recovered from Buck’s disappearance. They go through the motions, they even joke and laugh around. They continue saving lives, doing their jobs as best they can, but there is a heaviness that was not there before.

For the past week, the air has stilled entirely, becoming suffocating.

Chim has taken the habit to go outside during his shift, never too far in case they get a call. This time, Hen follows him.

“I can’t stand not knowing,” she says suddenly. “It hurts too much.”

“Tell me about it. Maddie’s a mess. This whole thing’s a mess. When Buck comes back, I’m going to kick his ass.”

“When?” Hen only asks.

“Yeah,” he answers, sticking his head up, defient. “When.”

She nods. “Okay. Okay. _When_ he comes back, we’ll both kick his ass then.”

They laugh, though there is no humor in it.

The truth is, Chimney wishes he was as sure of himself as he’s pretending. He can’t accept a world where Buck is dead. Maddie is a mess, that’s true, but so is he. Hen is right, not knowing is such a weight. It might actually be worse than mourning, because then they would at least be able to move on.

They are all stuck in limbo, waiting for news that won’t come, waiting for Buck to come back. Always waiting.

“How are you holding up?”

Hen snorts. “I don’t have a choice. I’m holding up because I have to.”

“Yeah, same here.”

Chimney sighs. He is not tired but he is exhausted. All of this is gnawing at him, night and day, and he’s exhausted. Physically, he can keep going, that’s not an issue – even if his head kills him sometimes, or his body is aching after a long shift, he can always keep going.

This, though, this is a permanent weight on his shoulders that he can never shrug off. He has not allowed himself to appear weak because Maddie needs him to be strong. And he will stay strong, as long as he needs to.

If only he could alleviate the burden for his team. Everyone in the station is taking Buck’s disappearance hard, most especially those closest to him. Bobby has never looked so fragile, he walks, tensed, like he is ready for his world to crumble at any moment.

Chim has noticed that, every time his phone rings, Bobby takes a long breath, and his hands shake.

Eddie, he can’t barely look at anymore. Chim is sure that, were it not for Christopher, Eddie would be going after Buck himself. But he can’t, and so he stays in L.A., barely a shell of his old self.

“Excuse me, Sir. Ma’am.”

A man that he has not seen coming stands in front of them. There is something about him that Chimney can’t describe, can’t quite put his finger on. He feels like he knows him from somewhere.

“Do you know where Evan Buckley is?”

“Why do you ask? Do you know anything?” he wants to say. What comes out of his mouth instead is, “No. I don’t.”

“I don’t either,” Hen answers.

The man smiles. Chimney blinks and the man is gone.

“What – ”

In the station, the alarm rings. Chim and Hen exchange a startled look before running back to the truck, all thoughts of the man forgotten.

Later, they won’t even think about it again. It will be like a dream, gone from their minds, only an echo of something past.

* * *

Setting foot in the 911 operation centers, Maddie forces her heartbeat down. She has to do this. She needs to to do this. In here, she can help people even if she can’t help her own brother.

“Are you sure you should be here?”

She flashes a smile at Josh, though it is dimmed and tired. Josh truly has become one of her closest friends, first at work and then outside of it. He hides his caring nature behind an aloof attitude but she can’t be fooled.

“Yes,” she says. “I need to do something. I can’t just stay at home worrying about Buck. I’m going to lose my mind. I need this.”

“Alright,” and he reaches to press her hands. “But if you feel the need to step back – do it. No one will judge you.”

She nods, though she knows she won’t. She was not lying when she said she needed this. She needs to feel useful.

Back at her desk, she feels more alive already. One last inhale and she is ready.

“911, what’s your emergency?”

The calls blur in a way they never do, and she knows she will not be able to remember them like she usually does. Yet, each call, she is focused, present. She owes it to the caller.

“911, what’s your emergency?”

Time passes, both slow and urgent. Soon, she has been at her post for hours. Josh tells her to take a break – she does not.

“911, what’s your emergency?”

“Hello Maddie.”

Something distant within herself tells her that she should startle, react in any way. She does not know this voice, how does the man know her name? She tries to speak, no words come out.

Somehow, that does not register as strange.

“I need to you to send the 118 team at this address,” the voice continues, giving the address of a lonely cabin in the Santa Monica Mountains. “Get Sergeant Grant too. No one else. You got this, Maddie?”

“I do,” she murmurs, dazed.

She hangs up.

Once the team is dispatched, she blinks. She is confused, a little lost even, like she just woke from too long a nap and she is not quite sure what time it is.

Maybe Josh is right, she does need a break.

* * *

“Do we even know why we’re going out there?” Hen asks. “It’s so weird.”

“Dispatch was unclear. Adult male in need of medical assistance, that’s all I know.”

They sometimes get calls like this, usually when the caller cut the communication short, so they do not think too much on it.

“This is really the middle of nowhere,” Chim says as they park.

In front of them stands a cabin – an old, abandoned cabin, windows shut with wooden boards. There are no sounds, no movement, nothing that would indicate someone has been there recently.

“Are we even sure this is the right place?”

“Hello?” Bobby calls, as loud as he can. “LAFD, is anyone there?”

No one answers him.

“We’re too far from any hiking trails, but I guess someone could have gotten lost,” Eddie muses out loud. “They probably tried to get cover inside.”

“Alright, we’ll start inside then,” Bobby decides. “Be careful, this whole thing looks like it’s about to crumble at the slightest breeze.”

If the outside looked abandoned, the inside is way worse. As soon as they set foot in the cabin, the team is assaulted by the smell of decay and rot. It’s not the smell of a corpse, rather as if the house itself was wasting away.

“Hello?” Bobby calls again as he steps through the threshold. “This is the LAFD. We got a call to come at this address. Is anyone there?”

Once again, no answer comes.

The cabin is huge. Once upon a time, it must have been someone’s prized possession, some secluded place where people went to relax, away from it all. Today, it’s empty and dark and cold. A heavy feeling lies in the place, not quite possible to describe, but they all notice it.

There is a beat, just a tiny bit too long, where they don’t move at all – waiting for something they don’t understand.

Then, Hen takes a step forward. This simple act manages to snap them out of their torpor.

“LAFD,” she calls. “Is anyone in here?”

A sweep search reveals only empty rooms and no trace of anyone having been in there in a long, long time. The tension they have been feeling ever since they set foot in that cabin continues to grow. No one mentions it.

“Hey, you hear this?” Eddie asks all of the sudden.

In the distance, it’s the sound of a car coming closer. They don’t wait to see who is coming, the 911 caller still hasn’t been found, they still don’t know why they are here in the first place. So they call and they call, searching around the cabin.

They find nothing, of course – not even tracks in the dirt, no broken twigs. Absolutely nothing. They have come here for nothing.

The car turns out to be Athena’s who comes to them wearing her usual sunglasses, as well as a frown.

“What have you found?”

“Nothing,” Bobby answers with a sigh, before giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. “Probably a hoax.”

The 118 team stand nearby, none quite knowing what to do. They should be moving, back on the truck, back to the station, back to work. Still, something holds them back.

Hen’s gaze is still fixed on the cabin – there is just something about it. It holds her entire focus until nothing else around her exists anymore. There is just the old abandoned cabin, and her. Time slows and she feels like she is underwater, every sound distant, the light reflecting strangely.

She is the first one to notice the man.

He is tall, skin too pale, eyes dark, and he walks out the cabin’s front door like he is welcoming old friends. A smile hangs at his lips that sends shivers down her spine. All of his attitude, all of his being, screams at her to turn around and go, just run away.

She is rooted in place.

And then he speaks.

“Hello, my dears. Welcome to my home.”

* * *

If one asked how they found themselves in the cabin’s main room, sitting, silent and sullen, none of them would have the answer.

All that they know is that, at one point they were outside. Then, they were inside, and they could not move.

Bobby struggles to get up – he can’t. Even something as little as lifting a finger is an impossible chore. He physically cannot. The only thing he can move is his head, and even just barely. His entire body refuses to obey.

He does not know what kind of drug could do this, and he only wishes it won’t make him relapse.

The man is standing at one of the window, not paying attention to them, his back is turned. His full focus is set outside. It would be the perfect moment to charge, if only they could move.

“You haven’t hurt us,” Athena is saying, trying to reason with the man. “It’s not too late to turn back, let us go.”

The man hums, he does not even turn around. “I don’t think I will,” he says. “I need you.”

“Need us for what?” Bobby asks – at least they can still talk.

He racks his brain trying to place the man. Is he against the team as a whole or only one of them? What does he plan on doing to them?

“Need us for what?” Chim repeats when the man does not answer.

The man has the audacity to grunt, and then he snaps his head around. Bobby would have startled if he could. The angle is nothing but natural, no one should be able to turn their head this way – entirely backwards.

Yet, that’s not what shakes Bobby to his core.

It’s his eyes.

The man’s eyes are red as blood. No white, no pupils, just red.

Some primal reaction in Bobby awakes and the only thing he wants to do his scream his head out. He has never felt such terror, it paralyzes him in a way that cannot be compared to the way he hasn’t been able to move his body.

His heart stops beating, his lungs stop pumping. His entire existence starts and ends at the sight of the man’s eyes. Man? Can Bobby even call him a man?

It’s the eyes of pure evil.

“I need you,” the man – monster, creature, abomination – snarls, “to get the Buckley boy.”

A new kind of fear tugs at Bobby’s heart, mingled with roaring hope. Buck, alive? Buck, coming? He should not be anywhere near this _thing_ that wants to do God only knows what to him. But, oh, to see him again – alive and whole.

“Buck’s alive?” Eddie asks, voice shaking, impossibly hopeful.

“Not for long,” the man says, turning his red eyes towards him.

“Who are you?” Hen asks, the slightest waver in her voice that only someone who knew her well would notice.

“My, my, you really are a chatty bunch.” The man rolls his eyes – still red – before sighing loudly. “The name’s Beleth.”

It sounds familiar, but Bobby can’t remember where he has heard it.

“Now,” Beleth says in the sweetest voice. He blinks, his eyes go back to normal, a little too dark – but human. “Everyone shut up before I start killing.”

Bobby has no doubt that he would.

* * *

“Someone is going to come looking for us,” Athena warns.

Beleth laughs. The sound is ugly and frightening.

“Don’t you worry you pretty little head about that. I made sure no one would worry about your whereabouts. We’ve got a least a couple of days before anyone starts wondering where Sergeant Grant and the 118 team have gone.”

“What have you done?”

His eyes do not turn red, but they shine like fire.

He does not give them an answer. When Hen refuses to keep silent, yelling at Beleth to reveal to them what he has done, he waves his hand at her.

After that, she does not speak again, though she tries, her mouth forming words that will not come out.

* * *

Night has only started to fall when the sound of a car driving up the road comes to them. Everyone tenses but Beleth who giggles, excited, and claps his hands.

“It’s show time,” he says with a wicked laugh.

The tension grows, so thick they might choke on it.

Eddie struggles against the restraints of his own body. He needs to be moving. He needs to do something, anything to get them out, but he can’t. He is powerless.

The only thing he manages is to catch Chimney’s eyes, just a second but it’s enough. In them, he can read the same incomprehension and terror.

His gaze snaps back to the door.

The seconds that follow are the longest of Eddie’s life, until, at last, the door opens.

It’s night outside, but the car’s highlights have been left on. They can’t see the person’s face, only the silhouette against the bright light.

Eddie would know that silhouette anywhere.

“Buck,” and his voice breaks on the name like a broken man praying to an absent god.

Around him, his team is talking too, screaming at Buck. Eddie can’t hear none of it. All he sees is Buck, alive, here.

“What a touching reunion,” Beleth drawls, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “I might just tear up a little.”

“Let them go,” Buck says. His voice is hard, raw almost. It’s nothing like the Buck they know.

“Well now, why would I do that?”

“Buck, are you alright?” Bobby asks, Eddie does not have to look at him to read the hurried worry that must be written on his face.

“Oh, do shut up.”

Beleth snaps his fingers. Eddie tries to talk, to yell – no sound will crawl out his throat. Outside, the highlights turn off and the cabin gets flooded by a light that comes from nowhere and everywhere at once.

For the first time in too long, Eddie can see Buck.

He has a black eye that’s turning yellow around the edges, and deep scratches on his cheeks that have not been treated properly.

“Let them go,” Buck repeats, a dangerous edge to him that Eddie has never seen.

That’s when Eddie notices the hunting knife Buck is holding, his grip tight around it.

“Or what, boy? You can’t hurt me, you’ve already tried. Tell me, how did that work out for you?”

“This is between you and me. They don’t have to be here.”

“But I’m so gonna enjoy making you watch me ripping their hearts out,” Beleth says, a vicious smile tugging at his lips.

Without a second’s hesitation, Buck throws himself Beleth, knife aimed straight at his heart.

Beleth does not even flinch as the steel pierces his flesh, burying itself deep in his chest.

Eddie’s muscles are tensed with the effort of trying to move, tensed to the point they might snap at any moment. Still, he can’t move at all. He tries to yell at Buck – yell what, he does not know.

He has never felt this helpless.

He watches as Beleth, with a nonchalant flick of his wrist, sends Buck flying to the wall where he stays, pinned by invisible forces.

He watches as Beleth remove the knife from his chest, dropping it to the ground, clicking his tongue.

He watches as Beleth exhales with as much flourish as he can muster, and takes a step towards Buck, his movements slow with apparent boredom.

“I have to say, I’m really disappointed with you. Was this truly your grand plan? Stab me? What a sad ending for you, and devastating for me. You were such a pain, I wanted a little more satisfaction while I killed you. Oh, well. What can you do, am I right.”

Silently scream, that’s all Eddie can do. It feels like his body is burning, he can’t even breathe anymore.

He can hear the rest of the team struggling to grasp for air.

There is no air going through to his lungs, his eyes meets Buck’s. He can’t even think, his vision is going blurry, the only clear thing is Buck’s blue eyes. Eddie has always felt like he could drown in Buck’s eyes, it has never felt quite so literal.

“Stop this,” Buck begs, tears streaming down his face. “Stop it. Stop it.”

“But I’m enjoying this so much, why would I ever stop?”

His focus is so on Buck, that Eddie does not see the man coming from behind until he runs Beleth through with a spear.

Everything stops.

Beleth looks down at the spear, then looks up, something like childlike confusion on his face

“You – you weren’t even the one to kill me,” he whispers. He drops to his knees, his hands still pressed against his bleeding wound.

“You don’t deserve that satisfaction.”

A startled laugh escapes Beleth’s mouth. His eyes – red – roll back in his skull, and his corpse drop to the ground, a shallow puppet, empty of life.

It stays like this for a second, and then it disappears, turning into a cloud of dust, swept away by the wind, the spear the only proof that he was ever there.

And just like that, it’s over.

Like a snap, they are free to move. Eddie almost stumbles down with the suddenness of it.

There is a beat where no one speaks. For the shortest bit, they all stay still, unable to process quite yet what just happened.

Then, all at once, chaos erupts.

“Buck,” Bobby, Chim and Hen cry out simultaneously, while getting up and hurrying to his side.

“Guys,” he breathes out, open and vulnerable. “Are you okay?”

“Are we okay?” Hen repeats, dumbfounded. “Are you serious? Are we – Are _you_ okay? What happened to you?”

Despite having been paralyzed for hours, Eddie can’t bring himself to get up from where he is still kneeling. Now that it’s all over, it’s really hitting him.

Buck is alive.

Eddie has spent so long praying for a reunion, all the while fearing the worse. He did not know what to say to Christopher when he would ask about his Buck.

These past few months have been the hardest of his life. Yet now that the happy ending Eddie has been wishing so hard for is his grasp, he does not know what to do or say.

It’s all too much.

Buck is only a few feet away from him, talking to the others, answering their questions. Bobby’s hands are on him, as if he is making sure Buck is really there. Athena is at her husband’s side, standing close to him.

Hen punches Buck in the shoulder, then hugs him tight. Next to them, Chim has a look of dazzled joy on his face, like he is still reeling from what happened, but can’t stop his joy at seeing his friend back.

Eddie wants to join them. He needs answers too. He needs to touch him, talk to him.

He does not move.

“You alright there, man?” Eddie turns to see the stranger that saved offering up a hand.

Once up, he takes a second to compose himself. “Thank you,” he says, not quite meaning the hand.

“It’s alright, this is what I do.” The man has a New Orleans drawl and an easy smile. His skin is dark, his hair cut short, he looks about his age. “I’m Marquis, and you must be Eddie.”

Eddie blinks, “Huh, yeah. How did you know?”

Marquis’ eyes twinkle with something Eddie cannot name. “Educated guess,” he shrugs.

Before Eddie can ask anymore questions, he feels a hand on his forearm and turns to see it belongs to Buck.

“Eddie,” Buck whispers, helpless.

His eyes are the same blue Eddie has dreamed of for months, his birthmark is still where it belongs. Buck is the same he has always been, but he is also something else, something more that Eddie does not understand yet. But he will. He wants to.

As they finally fall into each other’s embrace, Eddie feels the world clicks back into its rightful order.

Buck is home, so is Eddie.

* * *

“So,” Athena starts pointedly.

They have made sure that no one had been hurt by Beleth. They don’t understand how he has done it, but no one thought of them. No one wondered where the 118 and Sergeant Grant had disappeared to.

Their loved ones and colleagues are fine, albeit a little confused.

The team on the other hand, they are shaken, but they are still alive and that’s all that matters.

Maddie comes as soon as Chim calls, telling her that her brother was alive and well and back at Athena’s house.

Their reunion is an intense affair with screaming and tears and hugs. Buck is glad for it, he has missed her so much, more than he could ever say.

Ever since she came to live to Los Angeles, they have only gotten closer, being the siblings Buck has always wanted them to be.

He can never say how sorry he is that he put her through that, any of them really. It was worth it though, and he would do it all over again if he had to.

“So,” he repeats. “I guess you have questions.”

“What was he?” Bobby asks. “Beleth, I mean.”

Buck shares a look with Marquis. There is a part of him that does not want to tell them. The less they know, the better they are. But he knows they will never relent, and they deserve answers.

Marquis gives him a small nod, a silent sign of encouragement.

“A demon. He was a demon.”

He can’t look at the shock written in their faces. This is not what he wanted for them. He has always wanted to protect them, shield from the knowledge that there is so much more darkness in this world than they know of.

“Why was he after you?” It’s Athena’s turn to ask a question.

“I interfered with his plans.” Buck does not want to say it, but he owes them the truth about what he has done and what he has become. “I’ve killed a lot of his men – demons, too.”

“Buck’s a hero,” Marquis says suddenly. “He’s risked his life to save everyone else’s.”

“Marquis,” Buck begs. Even now, he refuses to hear the praise. He does not see it, he’s no hero. The things he has done… No hero would ever do that.

“We know that,” Maddie cuts in, and the look she gives her brother does not leave any room for protest. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I couldn’t risk any of you. It was too dangerous.”

“I would have made that decision myself.”

Maddie does not understand. She can’t. None of them can. They don’t really know what it’s like, going after demons, never knowing if they were going to die. Buck almost did die.

“Listen,” he clears his throat. “I’m sorry about everything. I never wanted you to see any of this. But it’s over now, with Beleth gone, no one is going to come after you again.”

He will make sure of it.

Eddie frowns, and Buck’s heart seizes at the sight. Eddie has never been far from his mind, he was the thought that kept him going, even when everything looked bleak and impossible. The idea that one day, he could see Eddie and Christopher again was what kept him alive.

“What about you?” Eddie asks. “You said no one is coming after us again, what about you?”

“There’s always going to be demons after me. That’s my job now.”

Silence falls around them. Buck wants to run away, proving himself to be the coward he has always been under his bravado.

“What do you mean?” Chim’s eyes are wide, his face pale. “You’re not staying?”

He wanted to enjoy the moment a little while longer. Now, he knows it’s not possible anymore. They won’t like this. It’s going to be hard on them.

“No, I’m not.”

At once, they start protesting loudly, but Buck tunes them out. He has made up his mind, nothing will change it. It’s what is best for everyone.

He sighs and puts his hands up. It takes a minute before they stop screaming at him. The tension remains high though, all eyes fixed on him. He almost trembles at the force of their anger, even if he knows it’s only out of worry for him.

“You guys don’t understand,” he says. “Doing this, I’m helping people, and if I can’t be a firefighter anymore, that’s what I’m going to do.”

“You almost died,” Hen protests. “Or at least you thought it was a very real possibility. We did get those audios. You were ready to say goodbye to us.”

“I’m sorry about that. You shouldn’t have gotten them.”

He had been dying when the messages got sent out. He had been laying in a puddle of his own blood, and it had taken Marquis two days to track him down.

By the time he was conscious again, it was too late. The recordings had been received and listened to.

“That’s not the point,” Hen scoffs. “The point is that, doing whatever the hell it is that you do, with people – things – like Beleth who, apparently, was an actual demon from Hell, it’s dangerous. Dangerous enough to warrant you having messages for your loved one in case you get killed.”

“Yeah, it’s dangerous but so is firefighting,” Buck wishes they could see his side. “At least this way, I can do something that matters. I can help people. And sure, most of the time, we’re too late, but us taking these things out mean that a lot more people won’t die too.”

“And if you die doing it?”

“What a way go.”

His chest is heaving. Why can’t they see it? It’s the only way for him to matter again. Firefighting has been his life, if he can’t have that anymore, then he will go after monsters – saving people a different way.

Maddie approaches her brother with her hands raised, as if she was approaching a wild animal. She is not hiding her tears, Buck holds his back.

“Please, I can’t lose you too.”

He closes his eyes. This is too much to handle. It’s easier to leave people behind where they are not begging him to stay. Not so long ago, he was ready to never see any of them again, ready to die in battle. He was fine with it.

To see the full force of their love of him makes him doubt his ability to walk away from them once more. Yes, he needs to save people, but what a lonely, thankless life.

Every second that he was away, hunting after Beleth and his people, Buck spent thinking of them. He was doing it for them, so that they would be safe. Beleth was a menace to everyone, he had to be taken care of.

Yet deep down, Buck never actually thought that he would make it back to them.

He never planned how he would explain his absence, had never imagined how they would accept his lies – because one thing was sure, he never contemplated telling them the truth.

He does not know what to do. He wants to be selfish, to stay with them. It’s where he belongs. Still he knows, he does not deserve this kind of happy ending.

“Years ago,” Marquis says, catching Buck’s full attention – he is wearing the most serious expression that Buck has ever seen on him, “you told me you never wanted back into this life.”

“Things changed. I changed. You know that I had to go back to it.”

“But you don’t have to stay in it. Do you really want to go chasing monsters all around? Never settling down anywhere, never being able to have a life? You have other options, Buck. You don’t have to do this.”

“You don’t want me with you?”

It hurts. Marquis is his friend, the only friend he has been able to keep outside of the 118. They make a great team, they have saved each other’s life more times than Buck can say.

“It’s not that, idiot,” the insult rolling off Marquis’s tongue with affection. “No one chooses this life if they can help it. You have a way out – take it. Believe me, there’s no happy ending waiting for you if you keep this up.”

“If it’s just that you can’t come back to the 118, we’ll find a way,” Bobby promises, placing himself in front of him. “Buck, I – I thought you were dead. I thought I was going to have to bury another – ”

His voice breaks. Buck flinches, shame dancing in his eyes.

“I’m still alive, Bobby.”

“For how long? Are we to wait for another audio, one day? And this time you won’t come back? Not knowing where you are, with no grave to visit?”

Buck’s lip trembles. His eyes shine with unshed tears, but he won’t look away. He has to see, truly see, the love that these people carry for him.

It’s humbling. Some part of him still wants to shy away from it – it’s too much, he does not deserve it. Yet he forces himself to look.

He knows that this is the moment where his life will change. The decision he is going to make will change everything, and there will be no going back.

“I have to help people.”

“Not like this,” it’s Eddie this time who speaks, and Buck feels his resolution crumble. “Buck. Man. I need you. I need you in my life. Christopher needs you. You can’t go again, I won’t – I won’t survive it.”

At last, Buck lets his tears fall. He drops his head, Eddie catches him in his arms. He feels loved, he _is_ loved.

He can’t walk away from that.

“Okay,” he promises. “I’ll stay.”

* * *

_One month_ _later._

The 118 fire station has not changed since Buck has last set foot in it. Yet, everything has changed.

He closes his eyes and breathes in the smell of cleaning products and food cooking upstairs.

He is home at last.

A hand finds his, lacing their fingers together and squeezing softly.

“You’re okay?” Eddie asks, the loveliest smile on his lips.

Buck gives his boyfriend a look of pure happiness and adoration. He could not hide it if he tried. This is everything he has ever wanted.

“I’ve never been better.”

Eddie gives him a quick kiss, barely a peck, enough to fill Buck’s heart with joy and love.

“Come on, lovebirds,” Chim calls from upstairs. “Cap made cake!”

Buck smiles.

It’s good to be home.

**Author's Note:**

> So this was my very first fic for this fandom, I hope that you liked it.
> 
> I'm [@bilbobagglns](bilbobagglns.tumblr.com) on tumblr if you wanna say hi, maybe even send me a prompt.
> 
> Please leave a comment if you liked this! I was very unsure about this and almost didn't post it, so it would mean a lot.


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